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SO… [currently viewing]

'So, you're thinking of hiring us…'

Your call. Or not.

We have absolutely no interest in deals where someone has to be 'persuaded, convinced and sold'… which is why we're ending this low-key pitch here-now.

If you're serious or curious about having our help, say so. Tell us what you want to do and what you're expecting of us.

We'll then contact you and if, when we've spoken, we feel there's mutual benefit we'll send you a PayPal link to begin the process.

And finally…

Here's a few things to consider.

If you think we missed anything, just ask.

Are you difficult to work with? Only with those who're not open & honest and have no desire for 'better'.

'I'm here—and you're there'… is geography a problem? Not unless you want it to be. Almost all of our work is undertaken by phone & web. Besides, if 'personal visit' is essential it can be handled, so 'distance' ain't an issue.

Any guarantee? Yes: 'Our stuff works. The rest is up to you.' Beyond that, if you're not happy with what we're doing or have done we want to know about it. Then, if we've fucked-up we'll swiftly put it right without extra charge.

For whom have you worked? Will you supply testimonials from satisfied clients? Don't ask. And no, we won't. We rarely speak of current or previous work and, 'discretion prevails', never of individual clients.

Use your own best judgment to appraise our service. This is not a difficult process… look at our presentation and speak with us. Long before money changes hands there's ample opportunity to assess our suitability. And if you feel we're not right for each other, just walk away—we won't hesitate.

Is there any material which formally describes your expertise and service? Nope—we haven't bothered with that kind of stuff for years.

Will all due respect (and honestly, if you need written stuff to decide then you'll not be getting much 'respect' from us), what's the big deal with 'written'? Did you choose schoolfriends that way, or ask your wife/husband for a resumé?

Isn't that a bit cavalier? Yes, of course. And happily so. Too many people suck-up to get deals. Honestly, as we genuinely don't care whether people come to us or not we don't do that whole 'kiss-ass pitch' thing.

It's an entirely deliberate process to exclude those who're unsuitable. This way, those who come to us are enthusiastically convinced. With an absence of 'prove it to me, then' we're clear to get right on with the good stuff.

Are you trying to deter me? Not necessarily you, but certainly time-wasters. Experience suggests that despite protestations to the contrary, most people would rather receive corroboration that what they're doing is fine rather than seek advice on how to make it better.

We neither want nor accept such work—so if you'd prefer to be told that everything you're doing is 'a-ok, hunky dory' rather than explore genuinely beneficial improvement, do us all a favor and stay clear of us.

What are your payment terms? Like good contract killers, our norm is 'half-now, the rest when the job's done'. We offer pre-payment discounts and where appropriate will structure frequent stage payments for ongoing work. If you genuinely can't afford to pay, tell us and we'll work something out.

How do I pay? PayPal. We don't accept cash, cheques/checks, direct deposit, wire transfer or any other arrangement. This way, the money's there on time—and there's none of that 'we sent it—didn't you get it?' nonsense.

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