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Issue 1 > Coping with criticism.

Coping with criticism.

Marilyn Lesmeister shows how to live through criticism without being devastated—and even make it work to your advantage.

Many difficult situations arise when groups meet and people work together. We are all criticized on occasion. We will be criticized at least a few times during the coming year. Criticism often makes us feel hurt, angry, vulnerable, guilty or helpless.

We can learn how to live through criticism without being devastated. We might even make it work to our advantage. One of my favorite sayings is from Mary Kay Ash: 'In our company we stack every bit of criticism between two layers of praise.'

The implications of criticism. Criticism and the way we react to it can block communication and opportunities to work together. Hurt feelings and resentment do not foster a positive or co-operative environment. At its worst, criticism can have long-lasting negative effects on a relationship between two people or within a group.

We can take control of situations when we are criticized. We can develop leadership skills to cope with criticism.

Critic's intent. Our critic may have destructive (negative) or constructive (positive) intentions when she/he criticizes us. The critic may have planned to criticize or may hide the criticism within a conversation.

Destructive criticism is intended to:

• Hurt or humiliate and belittle.
• Manipulate or control.
• Blame or create guilt.
• Get attention.

Constructive criticism is intended to:

• Help improve or make us aware.
• Express concern or caring.
• Keep communication open.
• Clear the air.
• Motivate us to make positive change.

When pointing out a mistake by another person, always consider the person's feelings. Milton Berle was dining with his wife, Ruth, in a Hollywood restaurant when a waiter put too much pepper on her salad. Mrs Berle tasted it and remarked: 'Hmm. Needs more salad.'

Emotions take over when we are criticized. Our hurt or angry feelings can get in the way of coping. Before we can deal with this difficult situation, we need to bring our feelings into balance. To find balance, it helps to:

• Take several long, deep breaths.
• Ask for time… 'I need a few minutes to think about that.'
• Exert a bit of energy by walking around the building.
• Decide whether or not the criticism is intentional.

'If you wish to make enemies, tell people simply 'You are wrong.' This method works every time.'

Henry C Link

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