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Issue 3 > Are you cocky or do you have balls?

Are you cocky or do you have balls?

Naomi Dunford riffs on assertiveness.

'Cocky'—adjective a. arrogant; pertly self-assertive; conceited.

'Balls'—slang: Vulgar. a. boldness, courage, brashness.

Time for a quick self-assessment quiz. Please answer the following multiple-choice question, identifying the letter that most accurately represents your response.

Someone calls you cocky, to which you reply:

  • A I'm not cocky, I'm confident.
  • B Anything else, including, but not limited to: blushing, lame and self-deprecating jokes, stunned silence, and wild laughter at the sheer ridiculousness of the implication.

If you answered A, yes, you are cocky. I can't help you. Find something else to read. Good night and good luck.

If you answered B, you are a part of the 97.4% of the population who think they suck. Welcome. Enjoy your stay. Thank you, Naomi. That was very funny and succinct. Why do I care?

Uncocky people don't like cocky people. This is likely because you are both jealous of them and repulsed by them at the same time. They represent both what you hate and what you aspire to be and have. You want their confidence, their swagger. You also want their jobs. But how do you get what they have without turning into the asses that they are?

You need balls. Having balls is an unappreciated strength. Having balls can open doors and create opportunities like you could never imagine. Having balls will change your life.

There is a person I know very well. He looks a lot like my husband. He is taking something related to computers in school. The school sucks. They are not providing the education he paid for. This is a concern.

One of the classes he's taking has to do with databases. His teacher, hereafter referred to as 'Database Dude', is not actually a teacher but a database administrator at a very big company nearby. He didn't think it was necessary to provide his students with a textbook or tutoring or even open office hours. He comes, he babbles, he leaves.

This person who looks like my husband is concerned because many people are failing this class and he doesn't want to be one of them. Database Dude is being unhelpful, as is the college's administration. The person who looks like my husband does not know what to do.

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