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Issue 3 > Take the self-help quiz.

Take the self-help quiz.

Paul Pearsall counters 'the tyranny of self-improvement' and suggests an approach to being mindful and fully-engaged.

My book 'The Last Self-Help Book You'll Ever Need' asserts that self-helpism has become a 'psycho-religion'. Platitudes of self-empowerment dominate the self-help bookshelves. Their relentlessly upbeat tone and unrealistic idea of happiness will only make you feel worse, I say.

• 'You can't love someone until you learn to love yourself.'
• 'Being healthy means being in touch with your feelings.'
• 'Never lose hope.'

These are self-evident truths, right? Wrong. Though everyone from talk-show hosts to politicians mouth these platitudes, and self-help bibles are a dime-a- dozen, their advice simply hasn't helped us live happier or more satisfying lives.

We're surrounded by the 'McMorals' of self-potentialism—those ubiquitous but unsubstantiated prescriptions, programs, guarantees, and gurus that define our pursuit of 'The Good Life'. All about 'daily living', they aren't good for our long-term well-being.

My contrarian advice provides plenty to consider and offers a hopeful and helpful approach to being mindful and fully-engaged in each moment—good or bad.

The solution is not just to 'get tough and suck it up'. Instead, by counter-intuitively abandoning the mandate to 'stay hopeful', for example, we can begin to savor today rather than focus desperately on tomorrow. By allowing ourselves the natural process of grieving instead of relentlessly treating grief as a disease, we can recover from tragedy.

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